Mage Wars, the entirely straight-faced "Customisable Game of Dueling Mages", was one of the most exciting releases of last year. We were never going to be finished with it following our quick impressions article. Quinns has done the right thing and published a full, red-blooded review over on Eurogamer, and it goes like this:

"Make no mistake. This isn't just a great card game. It's one of the best two-player games I've ever played. It's at once a puzzle strong enough to leave you thinking about it when you go to sleep, and also profoundly human. Mage Wars gets the most out of the human opponent, because of its emphasis on surprise, countering and predicting."

It also features a very good joke about a staff meeting. Go read! WIZARD! Ahem.

[Did you all catch Lord Smingleigh's Introduction to House Rules last week? Naturally, an exploration on making games simpler should be followed with notes on making them trickier...]

No time for a long introduction! Grab your hat, coat, and thrashing-stick and come with me. This time I maunder about some house rules the Gaming Chums use to ratchet up the tension and increase the complexity of games, and possibly to increase the conflict and turn the finest of friends turn into slavering killbeasts*.

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Quinns: What a news segment we have for you this week! Disasters! Pillaging! A game made of bones! Another game made of SKULLS! It's all a bit much. I'm going to start off with a nice cup of tea, and a nice game of tea.

Yunnan will be arriving later this year, and it's a game of controlling a Chinese TEA DYNASTY. That distant, jangling noise you heard was the noise of our entire English readership simultaneously reaching for their wallets.

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Quinns: Today we'd like to present a Very Special Episode of Shut Up & Sit Down, meant to raise awareness of the issues. Well, one issue. Which is that the amount of money that we have is... or rather, it doesn't... this amount, it doesn't really exist.

Paul: Right. After two years of you guys asking how you can give money to SU&SD, we're finally letting you. Please, go check out our fancy new donations section, our new video, and all of the fabulous rewards on offer.

Quinns: We're so proud of everything we've achieved since we began Shut Up & Sit Down, and we're stupidly excited about how we'll grow next. With your help, we'll be able to find out.

Paul: Thank you all very much.

Paul: We’ve got some exciting news for you!

Quinns: But you’ve already put the news in the title.

Paul: Well-

Quinns: So there’s not really anything to share now. I mean, there’s not much point in us writing any more. I guess we could get onto the details?

Paul: That’s not very exciting.

Quinns: Don’t get mad at me because you ruined it.

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Quinns: Have you heard of Munchkin? It might be the most popular standalone card game in our hobby. You all play Dungeons & Dragons-type heroes racing to reach level 10, alternately working together and wrenching one another backwards. It's a grinning figurehead for table gaming. And I hate it.

I hate that in parodying D&D so focusedly it erects walls around gaming as a whole, its 20 year-old injokes acting like barbed wire. I hate that it goes on for 30 minutes longer than anyone wants. I hate how the game is entirely based around attacking the lead player, rendering the entire first 60 minutes almost pointless. But most of all, I hate how it gets everywhere.

I'll be at the pub, explaining SU&SD to some friend or stranger or travelling pervert, and they'll say "Oh! Yeah, I've played Munchkin. It was OK!" And with that, all the icecubes will disappear from my drink, a new wrinkle will appear on my body and all the babies within two miles of us will start crying.

So here it is. My counter-offer. If you want a light, mad card game with a Dungeons & Dragons theme, buy Gauntlet of Fools instead, a game from no less than the creator of Dominion. Also, a game of battling trolls with a hangover, and getting skewered by spear traps while hopping on one leg.

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Quinns: Morning, all! It's a high tech start to this week. The Kickstarter for Golem Arcana has launched, reaching deep into gamers' pockets the world over. But not in a sexy way.

Well, it is a little sexy, I guess. This is a miniatures game of unparalleled luxury. You're getting gorgeous, pre-painted golem things, and also a pen thing that reads the microdots on the miniatures' bases, so a companion app can act as "a referee, rule book, and tracking device all-in-one". Which is... good? And it might be... the future?

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We like to think of SU&SD as one big family. Sadly, according to GOV.UK that's wrong, and a family needs at least 2 children, 1 drinking problem and (at least) 1 farting dog.

But that wasn't going to stop us from reviewing the year's hottest new family board game! Augustus is simulation of dispatching Roman legions to different corners of the earth for precious points that recently got nominated for a very prestigious German award. Also, Quinns is back with another hot Netrunner tip! Have you heard of Netrunner? It's really good! You should play it.